Green Eggs & Ham

Green Eggs and Ham
(Story 1)


I could start with a rhyme and throw you a dime, or slap you in the face and cause some disgrace, but I won’t. I won’t do any of that because Vermont isn’t a state, but a ski resort. I won’t do any of that because Blueberry muffins aren’t truly blue in color. Most importantly though, I won’t do any of that because Green Eggs and Ham have nothing to do with Sam I Am.

It all started in Zimbabwe, while Eric was visiting his long lost cousin Jama’al. The year was fourteen hundred ninety two, approximately two days after Columbus sailed the ocean blue. Eric was on a quest to retrieve Arjun’s mulch, which he was to inherit after finally passing Mr. Imondi’s period 6 creative writing class. There was one problem though- the Leprechauns had at last succeeded in revolting against their gruesome Australian oppressors, and were now carrying out their ultimate plan, nicknamed Operation Pot o’ Gold.

Their plan was simple, but efficient. They planned to place a rainbow to connect every household and family to the Dead Sea, in which they placed a large, exotic, man-eating fish know as ‘The Kurtin.’ With some Irish propaganda and a touch of Gold to fuel the human greed, the Leprechauns planned to have every human selfishly walk into this efficiently and ingenuously devised trap.

This little plan was to take place on the 17th of March, the exact day Eric had planned to begin his voyage to claim his rightful mulch. His Leprechaun senses tingled the night before though, giving Eric a warning of the ominous events that were to occur the next day. Unprofessional in the field of Leprechauns, Eric decided to consult the almighty search engine for what he should do next. He googled various terms related to the infamous Leprechauns in an attempt to find any weaknesses they might have, in an attempt to find some sort of way to cunningly put down their pursuit for world domination. It took him many hours to courageously combat the pub pop-ups and scrumptious spam the Leprechauns had released on the web like a hungry pack of dogs in a global attempt to fry human motherboards. At the end though, he prevailed. He found the secret to their constant failure, the kryptonite that would weaken their Superman.

Jolting out of his cabin in Copake, he jumped into the ongoing 5K that was currently proceeding and ran alongside Marco Polo, the leader of the Port Washington pack. It was a close race and Eric regretted having to jump out a few hundred meters before the finish line on the Polo Field of Bethpage State Park, but he had to take Mr. Imondi’s beard to descend down the treacherous mountains of Copake if he wanted to get to the town in time to pick up his order from the Deli. The Copake Deli’s infamous Green Eggs and Ham were that kryptonite he needed to suppress the revolting Leprechauns and put an end to their illogical tyranny and madness. Upon reaching the Deli, he quickly and swiftly blitzed past enemy lines, charging several Leprechauns himself and releasing the legendary Willy from his pokeball to hold off any increasing resistance by the Leprechauns. He slid through the backdoor and swiped the delectable dish off the counter, leaving a wad of change on the counter and storming out before the cashier even had a chance to offer if he’d like a drink with it. You see, the Deli has this exquisite policy that if they forget to offer you a drink, you eat free for the rest of your life there between the hours of 2 in the morning to 5 in the morning. Consequently, Eric became nocturnal after this incident and changed his lifestyle completely, but that’s an entirely different story in itself.